Well – gotta be honest with you, my motivation is a little low at the moment and here’s why:
Let’s rewind the clock
When I was 15, I was in a car accident, not a very bad one, but circumstances made me choose, let’s say not the smartest decisions – I didn’t have it checked out straight away. Weekend went by and I felt more in pain and unwell, on the monday morning we went to the doctors: whiplash, back & neck.
You’re not allowed to ride
Yeah, try telling that to a dedicated horse crazy teenager. So I snuck my hat out without my dad knowing it and went to a friends house, I was gonna ride!
Mounted the horse, started walking away. Must’ve been on 10/15 min tops and my head felt like it was going to explode, I felt dizzy, nauseous & my neck was hurting SO BAD. I jumped off the horse, took my hat off and sat down.
You’re not allowed to ride
Echoed in my head – I couldn’t ride. 6 months I think it took until I was back in the saddle – struggling every day with everything I did where my neck wasn’t supported.
I hated every minute of it.
Fast forward one year
I’m now in “gymnasium” studying – horses. Still struggling but getting better and stronger, though sitting trot was very painful – sometimes not possible. We had loads of different classes, one of them was learning to drive tractors. We got paired up 2 per tractor. My friend was driving, not fast 10/15kmh maybe. She crashed in a tree and this put a significant bigger strain again on my already weakened neck. I went to the doctors.
They didn’t say I couldn’t ride this time, they said:
Something is wrong here, what do you suggest we do?
I was scared. Upset. Lost. I went to the professionals to get help – they suspected something is not right and did nothing?
“Give me some painkillers and let me out of here”
Was my panicked response – and that is what happened.
Fast forward til now
So this is where my, what it feels like, never ending battle with pain started. Lately something has flared up.
- It makes me tired.
- It makes it difficult to breath.
- It makes me sad.
- It brings back bad memories.
- It makes me not sleep well.
- It makes me feel exhausted.
- It ruins my riding.
THIS IS WHAT DEMOTIVATES ME. One of my inner demons.
I had a deep tissue massage on Friday – I am still very sore but I can feel how much it has helped my body. I need to start prioritising myself because if I don’t, I don’t have the ability to do what I love: My Horses❤ And without my horses – I’m incomplete.
Keep on fighting everyone! Take care of yourself – it is important!
I can feel how this is tearing on my mentality and it needs addressing – maybe sharing it with you guy’s can help me?
All the best,